Memories
by Saccharo
Summary: He didn't want to remember the good because of her death; he only remembers the bad that hurt him.  However, memories are actually everything, including the good and the bad.  Sad one-shot.  Gift for Chazz 'Selrahc, hope you like it!


**School is getting harder and so is Geometry… WAH! DX**

**(Sighs) right now, I should be studying for retakes (I failed two tests so quickly in Geometry!), but writing is more tempting to me now. :)**

**Anyways, I haven't wrote a sad one-shot in a very long time. True that I DO write some for FFType-0, but I only wrote one for FFXIII. So I decided to write one! Also, this isn't Lightning X Hope; I haven't written a non-romantic story in such a long time! :)**

**This is a gift for the amazing Chazz 'Selrahc, who is a great and talented author! He's like my mentor and I really, REALLY appreciate it! All in all, thank you for helping me! XD**

**I apologize for any errors and I hope that you'll enjoy the story! :)**

**So enjoy~**

**XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFXIII or its characters; Square Enix does.**

**…**

Hope continued staring at his bedroom wall. He would have to remove the pictures on the wall soon; Snow and NORA would be coming any moment. The wall would have been nothing special to anyone else, just an average hunk of newspaper clippings, posters, pictures in frames, and some nails holding them up. However, to him, it was much more than that. Each item was stapled, tacked, taped, or even nailed to the wall. Everything on it was precious and it mean something special to her.

Everything on his wall was his memory.

Most of the pictures had him, a fifteen year old teenager with silver-blonde hair and green eyes. Along with him were at least one or more people. Friends. One photo contained him, the tall Snow, his wife Serah, Sazh, Dajh, the baby Chocobo…

And then there was _her_. The woman with pink hair, sharp blue eyes, the muscular arms from her job, but most of all; her rare, beautiful smile.

Lightning.

She was in most of the photos; more than the rest of his friends because she took him under her care when his father didn't make it out of Cocoon. She was actually very shy when it comes to pictures of herself, but she was still happy in them. Or at least she _looked _happy. There was a photo of Hope with her, during the time when Snow and Serah were wed. She didn't seem cheerful about it, but nonetheless, _smiled_. Hope was glad that she was in most of the pictures because he wanted it that way.

There was a photo, which was taken during Sazh's birthday (he complained that he hated birthdays because it made him feel older). There was Lightning, trying to kill Snow because he simply spilled some cake on her head. Hope didn't see himself in it; just Lightning and Snow. Serah or maybe even Sazh might've taken the picture.

Then there was another, where they were at a beach. There was Lightning in her black bathing suit and near her, Hope in his swim trunks. They were in the water and grinning at the camera. Lightning was glad that Serah was the one who had taken the photo. The sunset behind them was beautiful, adding more effect to the photo.

Everything on this wall was his memories.

"_She's gone… sorry kid…"_

Every photo was a memory. Every poster was a memory. Every newspaper clipping was a memory. Everything on this wall was his memories, even the tiniest things stuck on it.

He didn't want to remember anymore.

He had packed everything else except for the things hanging on the wall. Once it was cleared, he would leave and never come back to this house. The house that was his home. The house that he had lived in.

The house that he and Lightning lived in.

He pulled out a large cardboard box near him and, without thinking twice, pulled each photo, each poster; _everything_ into the storage. The glass in the frames cracked and shattered, but Hope didn't care at all. He didn't want to remember them anymore. He was taking down everything, all the memories that reminded him of _her_.

Lightning would kill him if she caught him doing this. But the truth is…

She was gone. She was **dead**.

He thought he heard her voice, but continued tearing down a photo. "No—you're dead. You can't change anything at all. You died without even saying good-bye to me. I don't want to hear or see you anymore. It's just… too hard…" He tossed it in the box, pausing to curl his fingers. "I don't want to think about it. I don't want to see it or hear it. I don't want to remember it."

He went back to his work, peeling off a poster of NORA and Snow. "Everything was going fine until you… you died." He threw it in the box along with a few nails.

He was crazy if he thought that he was talking to a dead person. "I don't want to remember anything about you! I… I wanted to see you and I miss you a lot! But it hurts. It hurts too much that I feel like I'm going to die. Whenever I think of you… you're always hurt, sad… and dead… I don't want to think about that!" He reached to grab a photo containing him and Lightning, both were smiling happily, as if… nothing happened. He hesitated, but placed it carefully in the cardboard box unlike he had done with the others.

Seeing Lightning so happy in those memories… it mortified him. She smiled, she was cheerful and then… she was gone.

She didn't even say good-bye to him.

"_Hey kid…" Hope froze as he recognized the voice. Sazh was calling him, but why was his tone so dead? He was all alone at his house while Lightning went off to work; she complained that there was a Behemoth scavenging for food near Oerba. She was tired and she promised that they would go out and eat at a restaurant when she returns._

"_S-Sazh? W-What's wrong?" He asked quickly. Sazh was a GC pilot; so he works with Lightning. Hope wonders if Lightning was with him._

_It was quiet on the other connection for a moment. "Sorry to say this… but she's…" Hope's eyes widened as he clutched the phone, feeling his heart sink in his stomach. No… this wasn't true! It can't be true!_

"_S-Sazh… no… please don't…"_

"_I'm really sorry… but Lightning… she's gone… sorry kid. The Behemoth knocked her over a cliff and—"_

_The teenager slammed the phone on the table, feeling as if all the life has been sucked out of him, like he had nothing to live for. He simply stood there, unmoving; only his eyes and mouth moved. His mouth was twitching, trembling from the shock. Water started to sting his eyes as he felt something wretch inside of him, as if he had been punched in the gut. He wanted to die right now; stabbed, shot—anything. Anything that would be better than the agony he was feeling now._

_She… really left him…_

And now, it had been only a few days ever since her death. Not wanting to leave the lonely teenager, Snow and Serah decided to take him under their care—without Lightning. He had just started packing yesterday and everything on the wall was left to be taken down.

Every memory was going to be packed away, but Hope knew that he would forget them.

Forget Lightning.

He tore down a frame, consisting of Lightning and Serah. "Does it hurt to die?" He whispered, wrapping his arms around his knees, "Does it? It should. What am I supposed to do without you? I… I still need you. But you're dead… for real. I… I have to accept it. I want to forget it… because it hurts a lot. It's selfish, but I can't take it anymore.

"Isn't it hard? Life without you feels so different. But I have to move on… if you're there, watching me or something—don't even bother to. It hurts. I don't want to remember it—I want to forget it." He carelessly dropped another photo of Snow and Serah with Dajh. "Are you even there for me? You used to, but not anymore."

Silence.

It was starting to creep him out and once he had thrown the last photo into the box, he stood up, hastily wiping his tears away. He looked up, spotting a small clock hanging on a wall. Snow and NORA would be coming any time soon, but Hope felt nothing to do. In fact, what should he do? His life—it was going to change now once he leaves this place… his house… his _and _Lightning's house.

He walked towards the kitchen, where there used to be a few couches, a table, and pictures and frames. But now all that was left was a simple kitchen counter, windows, and a vacant floor.

And for a second, he thought that he had seen Lightning, pacing around with a pink apron.

_She must've noticed his ridiculous bedhead; it was morning though. She smiled. "Hey. I thought that I would cook something for once; we've always been eating out." Hope's eyes snapped wide open, feeling horror creeping up on him. There was a reason why they would _always _eat out; it's just that Lightning doesn't want to admit it._

"_B-But—I can just eat cereal or something!" Hope wished that she would forget about cooking breakfast, but she rolled her eyes at him._

"_Hope… my cooking isn't that bad." She leaned over to inspect a gray pot that she was using, black smoke coming out as soon as she opened it. Hope could easily smell it and he had to resist gagging. Lightning must be some kind of robot since her expression didn't change. "Right?"_

Eating her food was probably the worst thing ever actually. Hope sighed as he looked around; his eyes landed in another room. It was the bathroom… but…

_Lightning continued scrubbing his hair, water and soap dripping down his face. "Ugh—this is what you get if you run into a skunk!"_

_Hope pouted at her, but closed his eyes as more water came flooding down. "What? I didn't know that it was actually a skunk—it was my first time seeing one!" The water surrounding his body continued growing, the white bubbles increasing as well. Lightning scoffed at him, brushing his hair between her fingers._

"_Hey, even Dajh knows what a skunk looks like!" Lightning got out a shower head and the stream pounded on Hope's head. "I can't believe how stupid you are!"_

_Hope chuckled as he shook his head, deliberately trying to get Lightning wet. He heard her gasp in surprise. "I'm not stupid! And I can wash my own hair—"_

"_You can't even wash it properly! I couldn't sleep because of that damn smell!" Hope spluttered as some bitter liquid flowed in his mouth; she must've done it on purpose! "If it doesn't get off sooner or later—we're having this again!"_

But now, only the bathtub, toilet, and the sinks remained. He or Lightning wouldn't be coming in here anymore to wash themselves or brush their teeth… they would never come back again. Everything—it gave him nostalgia; feelings of grim happiness and pain as well. Not just on his wall, but everywhere and everything inside the house… were memories…

He would be sitting on their favorite couch, begging Lightning to take him somewhere; maybe to go and eat or play around…

Or they would be going out on walks during both day and night whenever she wasn't busy. There was a time when it snowed and Hope was cheerful that he had thrown a snowball on her face; she got really mad at him though.

They should be socializing, talking, and having fun—

But she's gone.

Realizing it doesn't work out. They won't be talking, having fun, or horsing around—there would never be a chance for that.

Hope quickly wiped his tears as he remembered how sorrowful Serah, Snow, and Sazh were. They were all… _crying_…

She meant a lot to them as well as him, but she didn't have to leave now. It wasn't her time and she still had other things to do in this world. Like going out for fun or protecting the civilians…

It was so hard to lose a close friend, a partner-in-crime, and… a _mother_…

He recalled the last time he had seen her, but she was dead that time. That time when he saw her body, in the open casket and allowed close friends and family to see her for one last time. Serah went first, then Snow, then Sazh—they were all shedding tears.

Then it was his turn.

He was relieved though; he wanted to be the last one to look at her, to say his last farewell. Her eyes were closed, her skin was cold, lifeless and dead. She was gone… everything that he adored of her… was all gone as well.

This was actually the same person that had taken care of him and others. But how could she die now?

She looked so peaceful that he nearly thought that she was sleeping. But she was dead. Never to wake up, cook a "tasty" breakfast, take him for a walk, or… even talking to him.

Dead.

The tears uncontrollably spilled from his eyes as the horrible yet memorable images flashed in his head; his heart was wrenched out and replaced with a cold, large rock. Everything was gone… he was worthless and lonely without her.

He walked towards his room slowly, keeping his hands on the wall to balance himself. He could also remember that, when he gets nightmares, she would come in his room regardless of her exhaustion and time and comfort him. She sometimes even allowed him to sleep in her bed; though Hope tried to keep his distance.

"_You know… you can come to my room any time." Hope gasped as he felt warm fingers rubbing his wet cheek. "I don't mind—really. Don't try to hide it; I know it's hard for you."_

"_B-But… I don't want to bother you if you have work at night…" He muttered as he sat up, leaning his hand against her shoulder, "Nightmares… they're just dreams—that's all. It's just that… I didn't see my Mom. I… I saw… _you_…"_

_He could feel her tense. "Hope, it's only a bad dream—that's all. Come on—" He jumped when he was lifted into her arms. "Don't bother to argue with me, okay? Besides—I don't have any work today. Tomorrow is the same, too. So we should go out to Nautilus, okay?"_

"_Light…" He complained as he squirmed, but she had a tight grip on him, "I'm not a baby—"_

"_Well, you're acting like one." He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her, feeling himself embarrassed about this act._

"_Then can I _be _one?"_

_Now it was her turn to laugh. "Hm… then I should get you a baby bed, some bottles, and maybe a cute, pink bib—"_

"_No way! Okay—I change my mind!" And they both laughed as she carried him into her room._

For a second, he thought that he had seen her… again. But it looked as if… she was waiting for him, sitting on his bed, having the familiar, serious gaze…

And her rare smile…

He unconsciously sat down next to her, hugging his legs as he looked at her. "L-Lightning…?"

She placed a hand on his face and wiped his tears away with his thumb. Her look was unusually gentle, which Hope loved. Her eyes stared at his, the cerulean irises dazzling at him. It felt so… real, even though she was dead—

"_You'll be okay…" She said as she hugged him unexpectedly; causing him to flinch. He thought of moving away, but he waited. "I'll keep you safe…"_

"You'll be okay, remember?" She whispered as she pressed her lips against her burning forehead, "And I'll always keep you safe, even if I'm not there."

"I…" Hope gasped as he raised his shoulders, aware of the water leaking out of his eyes. "I'm so… sorry… I let you… die…"

"Death isn't something to be played with." Now he felt arms surrounding him, keeping him secure and protected. Not lonely anymore. "Even gods can't do anything about it. But I miss you, too. I miss you a lot, Hope. Maybe it was my time to die, maybe it wasn't."

"But—I—"

"Don't throw away the past and the present," she cut off gently, leaning her chin on the top of his chest, "Especially the future. Keep all the memories—the good and the bad. Remember the bad, then remember the good, and so on. You can't live with just one of them, Hope. You _must _live with both."

He whimpered at her. "But it hurts if I remember… the bad things…"

"The past… your mother died." Her tone was strict yet soft. "The past… I let you come with me. The past, I helped you and let you learn the hard ways. The past, we saved Cocoon."

Hope glanced at the cardboard box, full of the neglected pictures. He spotted a picture of him and Lightning, arms surrounding each other, giving off a happy smile; even her as well.

"The present. I died." She wasn't warm; she was starting to get cold now. "The present. You throw away all those precious memories, the past—the good and the bad—"

"I—"

"You're throwing _everything _away, Hope. Everything. Memories are the reason why we live and die. People commit suicide because they only think of the bad and no one is perfect, which is why we all don't have just good memories." She was really starting to get cold now and it frightened him. "I don't want the Hope that I know to do that. To just throw away everything that we've failed and completed together, the happiness and pain—_everything_.

"The present. You throwing everything and I mean _all _of it away. Why do you think of the good memories then? Why do you think of the bad memories?" She said calmly; her skin was like ice now. "Can you think of them together? All of it?"

He shook his head, more tears coming out. "N-No…"

"The future. Don't wish—you _will _remember the good and the bad. Worry about things a lot, then remember the good things. The future. You _will _be happy." She felt like she wasn't there when she actually is. "The future. I _will _be with you."

Tears streamed down his face as he stared at her, his body writhing and shuddering. He could only continue gasping as if there was water or holes in his lungs. He could see her, but she was going away… he needed her now…

She smiled and she, too, started to cry. "I… I know. It hurts, doesn't it? But seeing you cry because of me… it makes me feel good. That you're remembering me and that I'm dead." She stood up from the bed, receiving a reluctant whimper from him. "Remember the good and the bad, okay? When I'm up there—heaven, hell, whatever—I miss you and the others a lot, even Snow. It really breaks my heart, but I remember the time when you threw that damn snowball to my face… forcing you to eat my cooking…"

"N-No… don't go now…" Hope sobbed as he felt his heart tighten. "I… I don't want you to leave…"

One more last, warm hand touched his cheek. "Remember the bad. Remember the good. Remember both, okay?" She chuckled even as the tears poured down from her azure eyes. "So that you'll remember everything and lose everything… so please… do that. I'll… miss you… Hope…"

Hope could only stare at her before he reluctantly nodded, unable to say anything as he sat there, crying. She nodded slowly and gave another grin before she turned and walk away. Her hand left him and with a flash of light, she was gone.

She was gone. She was dead.

But she was there, watching over him, keeping him safe, and keeping her promise safe.

"_You'll be okay… I'll keep you safe…"_

Hope realized that Snow and his gang would be arriving soon, but he was too reluctant to leave. He didn't want to leave in fact. But he knew that he must; today was going to be the last day that he'll be in this house, his house… _their _house.

He altered his blurry gaze and found a brown box, filled with everything that he had carelessly thrown away. Everything in that box was a memory. Old, torn, broken—it didn't matter. Still and regardless… his memories.

Especially the good and the bad.

He could remember her death, the day she died and how lifeless… she had looked. But then her smile, her wishes of making him happy, and her promise that she made to protect him.

Hope walked over and found a photo with just him and Lightning, smiling. Ironic—they were smiling as well. He shouldn't put it back on the wall; Snow and NORA would come soon.

He didn't want to leave, but he knew he had to. It was a bad memory for his future. But he could see a light that, someday, he would see Lightning again, in his future.

Past, present, future—all the memories were counted in all of them.

And he never want to forget them, even the bad.

And so, he remembered the bad and the good memories, even as the tears fell from his face and when he smiled happily.

**…**

**I think that I did pretty bad in this one and again, I apologize for any errors. Anyways, Chazz 'Selrahc, did you like it? XD**


End file.
